Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
For example, when I was with the last guy, I knew FOR SURE that things weren't headed in the direction I would have liked. Actually, I wasn't sure what direction I wanted them to head in, so I left before I could get hurt. Otherwise, he did nothing to me. We had some good times, but some things just aren't meant to work out the way we want. I'm sure I still care about him, because he was a really cool person during that time, but I no longer have those feelings for him. If I had stayed around, I'd still have those feelings and I'd probably be bitter as hell over a lousy no good person. By leaving when I did, I can still see him as that really chill person...minus the habits he's picked up in the last few months...
Sometimes...it's just best if we move on.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
These are just some of the ridiculous text messages I've received from guys over time.
"I want you to sit on my face."
"You know I would love that with my tongue in your ass and fingers in your pussy."
"So umm do we have to use condoms?"
"Come sit on daddy's dick."
"You should tell your homegirl to come over for a threesome."
"How sloppy are your BJs?"
(Insert dick photo)
"I was thinking about you."
Oh really? What were you thinking about?
"I just wanna suck on them tittys so bad."
"I know u not bein pleased."
"U should jus let me come over and please that pussy."
"You should come over...I wanna show you something."
Is it edible?
"No but you can play with it and it'll play with you."
Eh that's alright. I don't think I'd enjoy it.
"Come get this dick."
I wish I could go back through ALL of my texts and show you some of the hilarious things I've received. Truth is, I've seen some crazy texts before too, but like damn!
So....after some crazy events in my life, I decided it was time for me to be celibate. I was kind of getting bored with sex in the first place. No one could really please me, so I figured it would be better off this way. When I told everyone about my decision they all laughed and said I'd make it til the weekend. I thought that was hilarious since I already wasn't having sex that often anyway...but whatever. I told them I was going to do it anyway, and I did. Truth is, it wasn't very hard at all. I was busy with work most of the time and any spare time I did have, I spent sleeping. I guess it also helped that I was emotionally involved with someone at the time too. I didn't want anyone other than him.
The first two weeks of the celibacy were quite easy. I kept busy. For some reason the third week seemed to be the hardest. I didn't necessarily feel as though I was going to do anything. I just kept wondering why I wasn't doing it. After that week passed it all got much easier. In fact, I started to enjoy being celibate. Showing my celibacy ring to guys is the EASIEST way to weed out the ones who only care about getting their dick wet....However, it was also the fastest way to meet guys who were determined to make me break that vow. Little did they know, I didn't care enough to break it.
When it came down to it, I finally decided to move on from that guy I was stuck on, but I still wanted to be celibate unless it was with someone I truly wanted to do that with. I knew who that person was, but things never seemed to work out....so I kept to my vow until I could meet with him.
Truth is, holding out makes it ten times better....
This was the response that I got from a guy I was talking to after he saw me post something about me being celibate.
Tyre: That's cool. That's a little depressing but cool.
Me: What's depressing?
Tyre: No sex
Just kidding, you tend to see who people for who they really are, that and their true intentions.
Tyre: Its cool though, that just means you have a lot of pent up sexual aggression that you need to release.
Me: I really do though lol
I don't know when I'll actually do that though.
Me: I need someone to make me want it....BAD lol.
Tyre: How would one go about doing this?
Me: That's not something I tell someone lol. It'll just happen.
Tyre: Ok...I am a little confused, turned off and upset right now. When was I going to be notified of any of this? Besides that, what was with all that sex talk if it wasn't a rsal guarentee that we were going to be getting into some things. I was under the impression that you found me attractive and cool enough to get down with.
Me: Wow you're a little intense for no reason and all about gettin your dick wet at the moment. You just got my number. I'm not THAT easy. I don't know what girls you mess with that be like oh ok let's fuck now after a couple of days but that's pretty trife. You don't even know anything about me and I'm not tryna fuck no dude I barely know. That ain't me. And who does around saying "this is how you get in my pants"? That's something you find out on your own.
Tyre: Ok, your absolutly right.
Me: You're* absolutely*
Tyre: Sorry, Im not really in the mood for proper grammar...aside from that it has nothing to do with getting my dick wet because U can get that from someone else if it was really tht serious I am just a little confused as to why you would bother with this heavy ass flirting knowing that you were going to play hard to get.
Me: I didn't realize being celibate before I even spoke to you was considered playing hard to get. I'm pretty sure that's me doing something I feel is right for me. I didn't realize telling you to figure out how to get with is considered playing hard to get. I guess I missed the memo that all women want to tell a guy what to do to get close to them, rather than enjoy the experience of learning someone...
What woman you know says "this is how you make me want your dick?"
"This is what I like" is completely different than "this is how you make me want it"
Tyre: You being celibate is honorable but it makes no sense to talk a good deal about sex and how you like it and what you would do if you met the right guy all to basically say well its a toss up. I never said you being celibate was you playing hard to get, its just a little confusing considering the conversations that we've had up until now. Considering what you've told me I honestly thought I had sex guarenteed because of how sexually charged our conversations were but now Im hearing that your celibate but your not really. Your an intelligent girl so you know what beiong celibate means....so in all actuality your not celibate your just waiting to find the right dude to fuck....which for all intensive purpose means that your playing hard to get. This whole situation would be different if you were pursuing me and you found out I was doing the same thing you are, I would immediately be looked at as an asshole and a player. This type of shit needs to stop. I see no point in continuing to converse about this because we're getting nowhere. It was nice talking to you but I can't be associated with you anymore due to our differences in opinion and thought.
FIRST OF ALL...YOUR AND YOU'RE ARE NOT THE SAME WORD. LEARN THE DIFFERENCE!
Im HAS AN APOSTROPHE IN IT!
And people, I'm an honest person. We all know I like to talk about sex. That's just who I am. When he asked me questions, I obviously answered him. Why not? I'm not gonna act like I'm an innocent person. Just because I wear a celibacy ring does not mean I was never or am not currently interested in sex. Nor does that ring mean that I've never tried things or wouldn't be interested in doing so. If you ask me what my favorite position is, I will tell you. I am not telling you because I want you to try it with me. I'm simply telling you because you asked me a question and I'm not rude enough to withhold an answer.
AND DID THIS DUDE REAAAALLLLY JUST SAY HE THOUGHT HE WAS GUARANTEED SEX? SERIOUSLY? NO...SERIOUSLY? I didn't realize me giving you my number meant we should have sex...after four days of speaking...wtf?
This type of guy is the reason why I decided to be celibate. Thank you Tyre for opening my eyes to the stupidity of many men out there. I hope you have a nice life!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
I don't know about the women YOU mess around with, but I am NOT the kind of girl who puts up with the stupidity some of you put out there.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a guy approaches me and he knows damn well he has a girlfriend. I am single. You are not. You have a girlfriend. Stick to your girlfriend. I am not interested in that homewrecker stuff!
If you want to approach me, please come at me the right way. Single, educated, no children, no previous crimes, WITH A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really don't have time for the rest of you.
And if you do not know how to spell, please invest in a dictionary, predictive text, and MS Word spellcheck.
Truth is...half of the men out there would be really surprised at the answer they got if they asked the women in their life what they truly want. Men will automatically assume a woman wants that big shiny rock that they've been dreaming about since they were little. Have you ever tried to ask a girl what she wants?....It's the only way you'll know how to treat the situation.
Truth is....if you don't ask, you'll never know and you'll be stuck assuming...
...That's not to say it won't hurt at all. It always hurts when you have to say goodbye to someone you built any kind of relationship with. However, if you know when to say goodbye, then you have more of an opportunity to learn from the experience and maintain some kind of friendship between both parties.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
In the past year alone I have moved on from friendships with people I once thought were my best friends. I started to realize that some people just aren't willing to keep up with their friendships. I have reached out to these two friends several times, but for some reason they have chosen to keep themselves busy with other things. There's only but so many times that I can reach out to a person before I give up. I told both of them that they were not any friends of mine. Of course they were mad when I said this because they wanted to say we were best friends. However, you can't be my best friend and I don't know anything about your life and you know nothing about mine. You also can't be my best friend if when I'm down and out, you're not even there to talk to me. If you don't even try to text, call, facebook, or tweet me once in a blue moon, then why should I pretend you're still my good friend? I think that's a lie to myself and on top of that, neither of you have even tried to mend things since I told you what the problem was. That just lets me know that I was right and you were wasting my time.
When it comes to relationships, I'm not even going to get into the details of how crappy things have been over the past two years. All I can say is that I gave my love to the wrong person and although someone better came around, I just could not love him. Sometimes you spend all your emotions on that one person you swear is perfect for you, but in the end you just end up getting hurt. Now I sit here everyday and think about how terrified I am to let myself go and just let someone in. I'm scared of getting hurt again. I honestly don't ever want to have to tell someone I'm in love with them again...once was enough. I don't know when I'll ever really be ready to say the words and mean them in that way.
I don't want to fall in love. Until that special guy makes me let that wall down, I'll just continue doing things to make myself happy.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Whisper in my ear just how bad you want me and can’t be without me.
Grab my body and pull me closer.
Let me know I’m right where I belong.
Tell me just how you like and I’ll do what you want.
Tease me in every way imaginable way because you know I love it.
Fill me up with every inch of you.
Let me soak you all over.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I'm tired of being bailed on.
I'm tired of being told one thing but experiencing another.
I'm tired of waiting.
I'm tired of lack of affection.
I'm tired of feeling discouraged.
I'm tired of contemplating.
I don't want to sit back and observe.
I don't want to feel like a school girl with a crush.
I don't want to feel like nothing is happening.
I don't want to continue standing by the counter.
I don't have time to waste.
Drifting on a stream, a stream
Consciously it seems
All of what remains
Man made shame,
Shame, love after it rains
You see my pain is real
Watch my world dissolve
And pretend that none of us see the Fall
As I turn to sand
You took me by the hand
And declared, that love prevails over all.
I am just a man
Fighting other men
For land, for land
While I turn to sand
In spite of the pain
Man made shame,
Shame, love after it rains
You see my pain is real
Watch my world dissolve
And pretend that none of us see the Fall
As I turn to sand
You took me by the hand
And declared, that love prevails over all.
All of what remains
Man made shame,
Shame, love after it rains
You see my pain is real
Watch my world dissolve
And pretend that none of us see the Fall
As I turn to sand
You took me by the hand
And declared, that love prevails over all.
(Love after it rains.)
I am not going to get into major details, but I would like to let the ladies know that just because we are girls, does not mean we are immune to body odor. I have passed by some ladies that had some very strong smells erupting from their pants and walked around as if it were a meadow of flowers following them around. To those ladies I would like to offer up some advice...
Say these words with me...
"Douche, Shower, Cooter Powder."
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
"Cooter Wipes, Cooter Wash, Cooter Smell-B-Gone."
While I do understand that sometimes women have those not so fresh days, or maybe they're coming from the gym...or you know what be honest, some of you get that quickie in and have that lingering, delicious, sex smell...That does not excuse you. There are portable wipes. Didn't have the money to buy some wipes? Carry a pantyliner around with you! Those are $1.67 at CVS.
Also ladies, when you are considering getting intimate with a man, you might want to use these rituals RIGHT BEFORE you get hot and heavy. If you don't have time, that's what the portable washes and wipes are for. In case you do not know where to get these items or maybe want more information, here are some websites for you to visit.
I am not one of those girls who will withhold their phone number from men (unless I'm just not interested). If we seem to have a connection, then why wouldn't I give you my number? I would like for us to talk and see if this is possibly going somewhere. Now, although I may not think every convo could lead to marriage, I do believe that it could lead to something that we could further explore. If I feel this way, then why don't men?
Ladies, have you noticed that men no longer take the time to get to know you before trying to jump into bed with you? Have you noticed that even when you find the men who aren't like that, they act as though they are, so as not to be seen as a "chump" in front of their friends?
In the time that I've decided to accept the idea of being single and out there looking around, I have given my number to many different guys. Ask me how many of them skipped over intelligent conversation and jumped into dirty talk and cock photos....I'm going to go ahead and say 99.9% of them. Now, I am going to be honest for a second, women can often start conversations out this way too. While I may not be like "nice to meet you this is what my coot coot looks like," I will possibly express the fact that I am only interested in ONE THING. However, the way in which I go about expressing myself is different than the way these men do it.
I once tried having a decent conversation with this guy that I SWORE I had a connection with...why in the middle of our invigorating conversation, did he send me a photo of his (very small) penis? This is what I mean gentlemen! Unless the convo is already headed in that direction, please do not send us random photos. Have you ever considered that we might be with our girls when you send that? Of course we're going to show them if you sent it so us randomly. Then you'll be embarrassed when you try to get with a different girl and they've already been warned.
All I'm trying to say to the fellas is DON'T JUMP THE GUN. I'm not saying you have to find out the names of her 7 brothers, 8 sisters and 23 pets before you head in that direction but some women do like a little bit of convo before they spread those legs.
2. I've come to realize that when I talk: I say "but umm"...and "yeah" a lot.
4. I've come to realize that all I really need: is food...and a man who can cook
5. I've come to realize that I've lost: a lot of friends because I don't have time for games.
6. I've come to realize that I hate it when: people bail on plans...
7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk: i do/say stupid shit almost every time
8. I've come to realize that money: is very important...no matter what people say.
9. I've come to realize that when I get old: I'm going to be an even bigger bitch than I am now.
10. I've come to realize that I'll always be: me...I don't want to change.
11. I've come to realize that I have a crush on: older men...with access to lots of food.
12. I've come to realize that the last time I cried was: because a "best friend" hurt me.
13. I've come to realize that my cell phone: IS MY LIFE.
14. I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning: You're the first thing on my mind...
15. I've come to realize that before I go to sleep at night I: try to finish text convos but it never happens.
16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking about: how discouraged I feel...
17. I've come to realize that my life: will be exactly how I want it to be.
18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook: I play a lot of games.
19. I've come to realize that today I will: not do what I said I would.
20. I've come to realize that tonight I will: be upset...
21. I've come to realize that tomorrow I will: be having a good ole time!
22. I've come to realize that I really want to: ...DANCE
23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is: umm?
24. I've come to realize relationships: suck ass
25. I've come to realize that love: is something I've never truly experienced.
26. I've come to realize my best guy friend(s): want to bone me...wtf?
27. I've come to realize my best girl friend(s): are the reason why im so bad
28. I've come to realize food is: The most important thing in the world...
29: I've come to realize that this summer: might be a little stressful
30. I've come to realize heartbreak is: and everyday thing.
31.I've come to realize that my sister(s): is my cousin...she means the world to me.
32. I've come to realize that crying: is needed once in a while...someone wanna teach me how to do that?
33. I've come to realize that death: is what it is.
34. I've come to realize that if I'm sick: I like people around...If I'm well, I don't.
35. I've come to realize when I'm bored: TV keeps me happy.
Friday, April 8, 2011
I'm still waiting for that guy who loves me...knives and all.
Don't hold me back...
So here's a little note to the men out there who think they have a chance with me:
Do not even approach men if you are the super jealous type...You will ALWAYS be jealous.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
For a while I've been talking to this Peruvian guy. While I am not going to out all info out there, I will say that he is s bit of a freak. That is something I do not mind at all. It is something that adds to the overall sexual attraction between us (And by the way, the longer you wait, the more intense it gets)...Just a quick phone call could excite me.
...I guess those are the perks that come along with opening yourself up to enjoying the world ;)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
A few weeks ago I went on a date with this guy I met. He was a very nice guy and we seemed to have a lot in common. Our general interests were similar, including music, which is pretty much on the top of my list of things we should have in common. But he made quite a mistake…He didn’t pay for the things we did on that evening. Now before you all label me as a gold digger, let me give you a bit of back story on why I expected this guy to pay.
1) The day we met, he messed up my name. I told him my name a few times and he still insisted on calling me “Felicia.” If any of you know me well, you know I ABSOLUTELY hate the name Felicia. You could pretty much call me anything else and I wouldn’t be as upset, but he made the fatal mistake of calling me by the name I hate most.
2) He asked me to hang out. He then offered to pay for things…but didn’t.
3) He paid for…one drink. And made sure to mention he did.
I am not a gold digger. I am not high maintenance. I AM spoiled, but I do know when something is owed to me. I also know that when someone says they will do something, they SHOULD follow through with it.
Moral of the story: Ladies and gentlemen, if you offer to pay for something, DO IT! If you don’t, you risk the chance of being labeled as a cheapo…Just letting you know.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
I'm sure you can just imagine the plethora of feelings that are surging through my mind and body right now...If not, let me help you. I honestly DON'T know how to feel or how I truly feel. I don't feel bad. I don't feel good. I don't feel sad. I don't feel happy. I'm just stuck not caring much.
To top things off, I decided to ignore the invites and continue going through my documents...that's when I came across the letter I had written him telling him things were over and I was moving out of town. I also remembered that I still have pictures of the rings he bought. I wonder what the shrink would say about that!?! I personally don't think it's that big of a deal. I have moved on with my life. I'm happy with how things are at the moment. It took me some time, but I realized that he was not the one for me. I cared about him very much, but he just wasn't the one.
Do I sometimes think "what if?" Of course I do. However, when I think about it, I know that I was right in making my decision and I'm sure that now that he has moved on, he would feel the same way. I wasn't ready for it anyway.
Did that experience change my feelings towards marriage? COMPLETELY!
I don't know if I truly want to get married anymore. I talk about when I get married, but the truth is, I'm terrified. I don't think I can go through it again. I simply want to live my life and avoid the extra conflict.
Monday, February 21, 2011
This is not the first time I’ve had to listen to comments from him about how much he doubts the person I am currently with. I am wondering why he seems to feel the need to make these constant remarks. We have not been together in over a year. In fact, he chose to sleep around with other women while still telling me he loved me. Although I did not like the fact that he was doing this, I never once said a bad thing about these women, especially since one of them knew he was not only still in love with me, but also still living with me. However, I find it hilarious that he has taken the time out of his day to speak ill of any man that I find interest in. Excuse me sir, but I do believe that you are a bit jealous or a bit protective over something that is NO LONGER YOURS. Of course I told him it seems as though he is bitter or jealous and he is no longer speaking to me. I don’t blame him. He told me how I felt and I told him how I felt. The difference is, I was justified in letting him know that he was completely out of line. You stopped loving me. You don’t want to be with me. Don’t comment on the people I’m with. Love, City.
Not too long ago, a friend of mine posted a status complaining about the fact that women want men to buy them a meal before the man even gets anywhere near having sex with them. I felt as though he should not have been complaining. If you want a girl to put out very easily, then you are looking for a hoe, not a nice girl that you can enjoy your time with. If that is the case, then you should go find someone on the street and pull her clothes off right there on the corner.
I would like to explain why this is the case though. I would like men to understand why women insist on getting a dinner before letting you “get in dem drawers.” For men of the stereotype, it is very important to be a player. Some men often think of themselves as being able to get any girl that comes along. If men can play this game, then why can’t women. We know what you want. If you really want it, the least you’ll do is at least buy us a decent meal. If a man is willing to use your body for his sexual pleasures then you should be able to use him for a decent meal.
Five things that women should not put out so easily for:
2) Mcdonald’s or any other fast food joint.
4) One drink at the bar.
If a man is willing to use your body for his sexual pleasures then you should be able to use him for a decent meal.
They all know just how much you hurt me. You told me that I was way more than the other girls you waste your time on. While I always knew deep down that there was nothing serious between us, I always expected us to have a great friendship. I think you have become a horrible friend over the years. Years ago I would have told you my most private thoughts…now I’d barely tell you the things I tell friends of friends.
So why did I let you back into my life?
I told my friends that there comes a point in your life when you realize that you need to suck it up and stop being bitter. If things don’t work out, just move on with your life. That’s why I believe in forgive, but never forget.
I believe that if a man is confident in the size of his “manhood,” then he should be very sure of himself and NOT have to question whether there are any bigger than his. Not to mention, A LOT of men who are well-endowed, don’t know what to do with their extra parts. They believe that because they have the size, it means they can do half of the work. This is not true at all. In fact, this means that you should be doing double the amount of work. Because you are bigger we are expecting the sex to be life-changing. If it is not, then we will find a way to turn things around so that other women will never touch you again. Just wanted to let you know….
Friday, February 18, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Janet Jackson- What About
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
You know how people say most people meet the person they’re going to marry while they’re in college? I think this next story proves that not everyone you meet in college will be that one true love you’re looking for, but rather the one that fools you into thinking so. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but this guy had me so sure of our future together. I wanted to marry him. I wanted to have his kids. I knew he was completely wrong for me, yet; somehow, I had convinced myself that I should stay with him despite my subconscious telling me to leave. I’m of course talking about that oh so strong man that many of my friends know as the very infamous ex-fiancé.
Now before he possibly reads this and gets mad at what I just said, it’s not that I didn’t care about him. Don’t get it twisted. I loved him very much. I did some things for him that I would never do for another soul. I let him get away with the things that I now would never let any other man do. I let him do these things because of the fact that I did very much enjoy my time with him. Sometimes he made me feel good about myself. Sometimes he made me want to hurt him. Sometimes we just plain old had fun. In fact, I’m not trying to offend anyone, but honestly, I had the most fun with him that I’ve ever had in all the years I’ve been living. I don’t think anyone will ever be able to top some of the things we did because we were just being our silly old selves. However, fun isn’t everything.
Along with all of this fun I had with my ex, there came a lot of drama, and most of it was centered around his ex-girlfriend who also happened to be his best friend. This girl had prank called my phone, vandalized my apartment door, sent my threatening texts, email, and instant messages, and even threatened me in front of the ENTIRE class including the T.V. Needless to say, she wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. I had finally gotten fed up with all of the crap she was putting me through. Now before I continue, let me give you a little bit of background info. This girl was about 15 times my size and 75 billion times as ghetto as the most ghetto person you could think of. She had no problem confronting me, or rather, trying to trap me in the halls at school. However, I do not fight fair. I had been to the school counselor several times, telling her that I dreamt about possibly ending this girl’s life. I was terrified that if she ever put her hands on me, I would do something I would completely regret. I did not want to be kicked out of school. I did the next best thing I could think of. Since I worked in the administration building and worked under the dean and chancellor, I went to them, along with the head of police services, and told them of the situation. I got her kicked out of school.
No, don’t clap just yet. While I hoped that she was gone from my life forever, it turns out that some people just aren’t that easy to get rid of. He loved her. He told me he was in love with me, but even on this very day, I could not lie to your face and tell you that he ONLY loved me. I honestly believe that he was torn. He was torn between what was right and what…well, what he must have truly wanted. I gave him his choice. I gave him a very clear ultimatum. He told me he wanted to marry me. I very much thought I wanted the same. I just wasn’t interested in marrying someone who was willing to let another woman treat his future wife that way. I told him if she didn’t go, then I had to. Now I’m not saying we didn’t have a lot of other drama between us, because believe me, we did. I wasn’t ready to commit, but he wasn’t ready to let her go.
It wasn’t even until years later that I realized maybe I was never even in love with him. Maybe I was in love with the way he made me feel…
Alright now, it is time for me to tackle a growing epidemic. This is something that has bothered me for some time now. I can’t believe I have even been writing a blog for this long without even writing about the biggest problem there is: The BROMANCE! Can I get an “EW”? I would like you all to know that I am minutes…oh wait, no, SECONDS, away from ripping into some men. And it goes a little something like this…
If you even have to question your friendship with your “bros” then there is a problem. I think that half of you don’t even realize what you’re doing or just how inappropriate your friendship with your friends is. Now, for those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, I will enlighten you. Here’s a definition for you:
Bromance- an uncomfortable relationship between two males that consider themselves to be best friends. What makes this relationship uncomfortable is the way in which they interact with each other. Outsiders (aka their girlfriends) are often the ones left feeling uncomfortable when watching the friends act out homoerotic tendencies on each other.
Have you finally realized what I am talking about? Should I give you more of a hint? Okay…I’m going to give you a hint anyway. You know how when you’re with your girlfriend and she’s trying to get a little more intimate and you mention your friend? Yeah umm, STOP! You know how when your girlfriend asks you to do something and you say no, but as soon as your bromantic life partner asks you, you jump to your feet? You know how when you’re done being intimate with your girlfriend and you jump up out of the bed like “HEY, I WONDER IF (bromance’s name) CALLED ME?!?!”
Did you get it yet? Do you understand where I am coming from? There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting your friendship before your relationship. In fact, most of the time, your friendship SHOULD come first because they are the people who will be there for you if things go wrong in your relationship. However, unless the sex with him is better than the sex with me, you should not be jumping at his every beck and call. And if you think I am the only woman who feels this way, you are completely WRONG!
Please learn how to control your friendship with your “bros” before you lose any chances of having a good woman.
My boyfriend would probably prefer if I left this tiny bit of info out BUT: We were watching the Degrassi marathon last night and in several of the episodes there was a focus on how close some of the girls are with their best guy friend. Along with this, we got to see just how jealous these girls’ boyfriends get when observing just how close the girl is with her guy friend. I looked at my boyfriend and said “Oh by the way, it is VERY hard to get rid of a girl’s best guy friend.” I would now like to take the time to tell people why it is SO hard to get rid of a girl’s best guy friend.
- 1) Backup- I know people are going to hate to hear this but, a lot of women have a best guy friend as their backup love interest. If all else fails, the bestie is always nearby.
- 2) Common Interests- Why do you think they are best friends? They have absolutely everything in common. When you don’t want to sit back and watch a show they really like: *ring ring ring* Time to call the best guy friend. He will almost always be ready and willing to jump in because it is something he also enjoys. This is important as we all know because “opposites attract,” and as her boyfriend, you are seen as her opposite. The best friend on the other hand, is…well, he’s the male version of her.
- 3) True Love- Yes, it is true. Many best friendships that contain a male and female tend to end up becoming romantic. For some women, or even men, their best friend could be that person they secretly dream of every night. This often becomes the person that they base all relationships off of. If they cannot find a deep connection like they have with their best friend, they might believe that someone other than their best friend would not be the right fit for them. This is because many people fall in love with their best friends.
Now I am going to tell you something very important: Men, stop trying to push the best friend out of the picture. If you believe that the best friend is some kind of threat to you, then ask your girlfriend and point out to her why you believe her friendship might cause a problem in your relationship. I’m not going to lie to you. This is often something hard to do because everyone is protective of their best friend whether they be male or female. Your girlfriend might at first believe that you are simply jealous, which, let’s be honest, you are, aren’t you? Yeah, I thought so. However, if you can put that jealousy aside for the moment and explain to her that YOU are interested in being able to share some of these more common interests and intimate moments with her, then you will be able to not only eliminate the stress of the best friend, but improve your relationship with her.
I know. I make it sound easy. It’s really not, though. You know why? Because the best friend, male or female, will almost always be a threat. Just don’t make yourself an audience member. Participate!
One of the first things I want to discuss is the presence of other relationships. Sexual, or intimate, relationships are not the only interactions in our lives that tend to stress us out. I believe that outside of familiar relationships, friendships are a great way to evaluate the way in which you will act while in an intimate relationship. That being said, there are a few things that really bother me that some people do.
I believe that many people tend to value their temporary friendships more than the friendships they’ll have for life. For the sake of avoiding any unnecessary drama, I am not going to give specifics because guilty people always assume you’re talking about them, even when you are not.
Anyway, I have noticed that people will get into situations such as college or work, and they’ll forget about the friends that are “back home.” As we go through life, we come across many different kinds of people. We meet friends that we don’t want to live without. We meet lovers that change our lives. We also meet people that are simply meant to provide support for a short amount of time. When we meet all of these people, we must decipher what their purpose is in our life. We have to decide whether a person is simply a person to go out with, or a friend for life.
When we meet these people that we believe are our friends for life, we must be careful to put them before other friends. We must make sure we take care of our friendships as if these people were our own family members. I say this because sometimes you can lose one of your best friends to the need for temporary friends, especially if you’ve been distracted by something such as four years away at college.
With this being said though, I have to tell you the truth. You can only reach out to people but so much before you start to believe that maybe you made the wrong decision in considering them to be a friend for life. If you have been reaching out to them for months and they don’t seem to be changing, then you have no choice but to think maybe they weren’t interested in keeping you as a friend. While reaching out to people, you must seriously consider whether you actually believed them to be a good friend. For instance, I have a friend of mine that I have tried messaging several times a month whether it be on the phone, on Facebook, or even on Twitter. However, he has chosen not to respond to many of my messages. In fact, when I do receive any contact from him, it is usually after I have given up trying to contact him. However, I am not offended by this because I never thought of him as someone that would be a friend for life. I understood right away that he would simply be a temporary friend, or a person to go out with. On the other hand though, I do have a friend that I used to send text messages to fairly often. She would not respond, and if she ever did, it would be several days later. Now, because of this, I have chosen to give up on reaching out to her. This could be a problem on both of our parts because I definitely assumed she was a friend for life. I believe that she has been distracted by other things in her life and forgotten who her friends are. I believe that I am also guilty of being stuck in my own relationship. However, I have at least tried, and apparently failed to keep her as a close friend. In these situations, you have to decide whether you are ready to be the bigger person and forgive your “friend” for losing touch of your friendship. Because I do believe she is a friend for life, I am open to salvaging our friendship. Whether or not we will be as close as we were before, now that’s a different story.
I have been guilty of putting too much effort on my temporary friendships. What I have learned from doing this is that it can be very easy to feel as though you’re very much comforted and loved and losing it all at the same time. However, if you keep your b.f.f.l. by you at all times, you’ll never feel alone.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
After my abusive and not so loving high school relationship, I met a guy who was the complete opposite of the last. He was the most perfect guy I thought I’d ever meet. He was tall, white, and a jock. He was the quiet guy who kind of sat in the corner and ignored everyone else around him in class. I always made sure to sit next to him and talk as much as possible. Of course, he just ignored me because I was way too loud for him. However, being the outgoing and persistent person I am, I decided that I was still going to pursue him. In fact, I told his friends that he was my next mission and I would eventually get him. Now, let me tell you something about myself, when I truly want something, I get it. It didn’t take me very long to get him interested in me either. I was there for him no matter what the situation was. I helped him with classes. I even stood by his side during the loss of a close family member. I did all of these things because I knew there was something special about him.
Eventually we began a very serious relationship in which we both found ourselves very happy. Well, at that time at least. I’m not going to lie, we had been through a lot of stuff together but we stayed very close throughout every little thing. However, some people just aren’t meant to be together. We broke up before going to college. This was probably a bad thing since we were attending the same college in order to be close together. We continued doing everything together despite the decision to split. We lived in the same apartment building. We saw each other every single day after class. We spent many nights in each other’s rooms, yet there was nothing romantic between us at this point.
I believe this is what caused the most trouble in our friendship. I believe it was entirely my fault that I continued to give him false hope that there was a chance of us being back together again, when I had already made up my mind that nothing else was to come of our relationship. However, I had every reason to try to hold onto him as long as possible. He was a good guy. He treated me the way I finally realized I deserved to be treated. On top of all that, he had been there for me during one of the hardest times in my life. Why would I give up on something that good?
I gave up on him because I realized that I was not in love with him. I cared for him very much. I loved everything about him, but to say I was in love with him would be a lie. He just didn’t have that part of my heart. It is unfair to any person, to be in a “loveless” relationship. I knew he deserved more than I could give him and I didn’t want to keep him waiting around for something he’d never have.
Years later we of course met up and spent many days together. We both thought maybe something would come of the time we had been spending together. However, four years later, you have to remember that people change. I am completely different than the person he fell in love with in high school. He is WAY different than the perfect guy I thought he was in high school. We had completely different goals in life. While the comfortable thing to do would be to date him and see where things went, it was not the right thing to do. While perfect for each other as high school sweethearts, some people are not meant to be together in the future. We just weren’t meant to be and probably never will be.
To not only save time, but also to spare you from the boring details of my childhood, I have chosen to omit those “boyfriend” that occurred in my prepubescent years. In other words, I will not be writing about my catholic school boyfriend, my church boyfriends, or anyone that came before high school when I truly knew what it meant to be a girlfriend to someone.
A few days ago I got a fortune cookie. The fortune read: courage comes through suffering. Therefore it is important to start with the relationship that “gave me the most courage.” It just so happens that this same guy was the first guy that “had my heart” while I was in high school.
I met him through a friend, of course, as many of these relationships in our lives often go. However, considering the friend I met him thorough I guess I should have known this wouldn’t be the man of my dreams. This guy had everything I wanted at the time though. I was the good girl looking for the bad boy and he MORE tan fulfilled my need for this rebellious attitude.
This guy was the ultimate bad boy. He was the skater that I watched glide down the street on his board. He barely spoke to me, but I found him intriguing. He smoked weed non-stop, but I still found myself oddly attracted to him. It wasn’t until almost a year later that I even realized just how horrible of a person he truly was. The truth is, he’s done so much damage to me, mentally and emotionally, that I can’t even recall the first time he choked me, or belittled me, or threw me up against a wall. I was young. I was only thirteen when we met. I never knew that what he was doing was wrong. In fact, because I was the food girl, I found his abuse to be attractive. I thought it was something that turned me on.
I know what you’re all thinking: where were my friends and family while this all occurred? My family had very much expressed that they were not happy with the guy I had chosen, however, they were not aware of the details of the situation. My friends also knew very little other than what they had viewed when he was around me. My friends had watched him drag me through the halls. They had even seen me slap him after he had tied to choke me, but because I had always kept a smile on my face they had never known what was truly wrong. Of course they had also expressed their feelings of hatred towards him, but the truth is, no matter whether you’re a friend or family member, you can’t help someone if they don’t want to be helped…and I didn’t want to be.
I didn’t want to be helped because I truly believed that I loved him and that I was IN love with him. However, I realized two years later that his abuse had mentally trained me to believe that only he could make me happy, even though he had only made me mad.
This is for each and every girl that believes a man could never put his hands on her. If you’re reading my blog, then you know me as this super tough girl who doesn’t take any nonsense. I’m always ready to fight and I ALWAYS say what is on my mind despite possibly hurting someone’s feelings. I am this way though because of him…because of all the abuse he put me through therefore, I write this blog challenging everyone to speak their minds and never let another person put you down. And to those of you who are still stuck in an abusive relationship whether it be physical or mental, I hope you fight back to tell him that he no longer controls you.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A few hours ago I was discussing with a friend the reasoning behind why I dislike Taylor Swift. I will share it with you for the purpose behind my next few posts. I, personally, am tired of hearing about every ex-boyfriend that Taylor Swift has. All of her songs revolve around how much she loved them or I guess, how crappy the relationship was. Considering she is young, and I have probably had more relationships, or encounters with intimacy than she has, I am slightly upset by the amount of money she is making off of her ex-boyfriends. I have decided that it is now my time to make some money off of my previous “lovers.” I have decided to begin this process by writing a series of entries about them. I will then ask everyone to suggest titles for these stories, and begin my songwriting process. Also, if you have a specific story of mine that you remember and liked oh so very much, I would like you to tell me, so I can not only post it on here, but consider it for my Musical which will be entitled Truth and the City.