Monday, May 31, 2010

Maintaining your (ahem) area

Most men look forward to intercourse with a woman who is very good at maintaining her pubic area, along with other things. Man of these men hope to engage in sexual activity with a freshly shaven vagina or one with the minimalist amount of air possible. This works out well because most women appreciate the assets of a clean area. Minimal hair allows for less sweat, less smell, and a region that’s easier to wash and keep up maintenance. Most of us keep less hair for these reasons along with the fact that we assume sexual escapades are more warranted when keeping a fresh smelling, manageable non-jungle atmosphere.

Although women are fairly keen on keeping up appearances in that general region, men on the other hand have slowly been losing all sense of how to keep their area clean. This should not be the case since they have two things that we do not have the displeasure of dealing with. For the sake of keeping this entry on somewhat of a classy level, we’ll call these two things by their correct term: testicles. Now men, the sack area is almost similar to areas of fat on the body. When cleaning this area you must lift the testicles and scrub underneath, as well as on top and closer to the penis/shaft area. If you fail to hit the under area of your anatomy with a bit of soap and water there tends to be an unpleasant smell that emits from the general area.

This is an epidemic! Gentlemen, do you know why I consider this to be an epidemic? Because those of you who refuse to keep up even the tiniest bit of maintenance are usually the first ones demanding a little “mouth-hug lovin’.” If you would like your woman, or any other woman to put their mouth, tongue, or any other part of their visage near your no-no area, you have to understand that the sight and smell of that area is going to hit us before we even try to taste it!

This being said, I would like to insert one last thing: I smell good, do you?


Wednesday, May 26, 2010


He asked me if we could 'chill'
I told him we would not be engaging in sexual activity or any kind.
He said that was ok and we should still chill.
I decided to test him a bit more to see if he had hopes of some kind of sexual activity.
I told him I would be hanging out at a friend's house and he was welcome to join me.
His response: "imma hit u up. im still washin clothes and shit"
I told him I no his lies and prefer honesty.
He said he simply had to wait for his clothes to be done.
That was at 9:26 PM.
I did not hear from him again until 12:32 AM when I decided to see what happened.
His excuse: I got called into work.

Now, that was either a lie OR you simply did not have the decency and respect to call and inform me of your plans to go to work. I don't know which one is worse. I do however know that I am no longer interested in the bullsh*t.


Code Words and Phrases...text talk

Just some phrases that annoy me:

I was busy= I didn't feel like talking.

Can we 'chill'= I would like to stick my penis inside of you.

Oh, I forgot= you weren't important enough for me to bother responding.

Imma hit you up= I really don't feel like talking but I guess I have no choice.

Let me him you back later=.....days from now.

Are you on birth control= I do this with other girls too.

I 'luv' u= I don't really have feelings for you, but you put me on the spot.