Sometimes I believe it is necessary for a person to sit back and reflect on the relationships they've had over the past few years. These relationships can also include friendships, and those with family members. For myself, I sat down and thought about my relationships over the past two years. If you don't know much about me, one thing you should absolutely know is that I don't waste my time on people who won't spend theirs on me.
In the past year alone I have moved on from friendships with people I once thought were my best friends. I started to realize that some people just aren't willing to keep up with their friendships. I have reached out to these two friends several times, but for some reason they have chosen to keep themselves busy with other things. There's only but so many times that I can reach out to a person before I give up. I told both of them that they were not any friends of mine. Of course they were mad when I said this because they wanted to say we were best friends. However, you can't be my best friend and I don't know anything about your life and you know nothing about mine. You also can't be my best friend if when I'm down and out, you're not even there to talk to me. If you don't even try to text, call, facebook, or tweet me once in a blue moon, then why should I pretend you're still my good friend? I think that's a lie to myself and on top of that, neither of you have even tried to mend things since I told you what the problem was. That just lets me know that I was right and you were wasting my time.
When it comes to relationships, I'm not even going to get into the details of how crappy things have been over the past two years. All I can say is that I gave my love to the wrong person and although someone better came around, I just could not love him. Sometimes you spend all your emotions on that one person you swear is perfect for you, but in the end you just end up getting hurt. Now I sit here everyday and think about how terrified I am to let myself go and just let someone in. I'm scared of getting hurt again. I honestly don't ever want to have to tell someone I'm in love with them again...once was enough. I don't know when I'll ever really be ready to say the words and mean them in that way.
I don't want to fall in love. Until that special guy makes me let that wall down, I'll just continue doing things to make myself happy.