Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
You know how people say most people meet the person they’re going to marry while they’re in college? I think this next story proves that not everyone you meet in college will be that one true love you’re looking for, but rather the one that fools you into thinking so. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but this guy had me so sure of our future together. I wanted to marry him. I wanted to have his kids. I knew he was completely wrong for me, yet; somehow, I had convinced myself that I should stay with him despite my subconscious telling me to leave. I’m of course talking about that oh so strong man that many of my friends know as the very infamous ex-fiancé.
Now before he possibly reads this and gets mad at what I just said, it’s not that I didn’t care about him. Don’t get it twisted. I loved him very much. I did some things for him that I would never do for another soul. I let him get away with the things that I now would never let any other man do. I let him do these things because of the fact that I did very much enjoy my time with him. Sometimes he made me feel good about myself. Sometimes he made me want to hurt him. Sometimes we just plain old had fun. In fact, I’m not trying to offend anyone, but honestly, I had the most fun with him that I’ve ever had in all the years I’ve been living. I don’t think anyone will ever be able to top some of the things we did because we were just being our silly old selves. However, fun isn’t everything.
Along with all of this fun I had with my ex, there came a lot of drama, and most of it was centered around his ex-girlfriend who also happened to be his best friend. This girl had prank called my phone, vandalized my apartment door, sent my threatening texts, email, and instant messages, and even threatened me in front of the ENTIRE class including the T.V. Needless to say, she wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. I had finally gotten fed up with all of the crap she was putting me through. Now before I continue, let me give you a little bit of background info. This girl was about 15 times my size and 75 billion times as ghetto as the most ghetto person you could think of. She had no problem confronting me, or rather, trying to trap me in the halls at school. However, I do not fight fair. I had been to the school counselor several times, telling her that I dreamt about possibly ending this girl’s life. I was terrified that if she ever put her hands on me, I would do something I would completely regret. I did not want to be kicked out of school. I did the next best thing I could think of. Since I worked in the administration building and worked under the dean and chancellor, I went to them, along with the head of police services, and told them of the situation. I got her kicked out of school.
No, don’t clap just yet. While I hoped that she was gone from my life forever, it turns out that some people just aren’t that easy to get rid of. He loved her. He told me he was in love with me, but even on this very day, I could not lie to your face and tell you that he ONLY loved me. I honestly believe that he was torn. He was torn between what was right and what…well, what he must have truly wanted. I gave him his choice. I gave him a very clear ultimatum. He told me he wanted to marry me. I very much thought I wanted the same. I just wasn’t interested in marrying someone who was willing to let another woman treat his future wife that way. I told him if she didn’t go, then I had to. Now I’m not saying we didn’t have a lot of other drama between us, because believe me, we did. I wasn’t ready to commit, but he wasn’t ready to let her go.
It wasn’t even until years later that I realized maybe I was never even in love with him. Maybe I was in love with the way he made me feel…
Alright now, it is time for me to tackle a growing epidemic. This is something that has bothered me for some time now. I can’t believe I have even been writing a blog for this long without even writing about the biggest problem there is: The BROMANCE! Can I get an “EW”? I would like you all to know that I am minutes…oh wait, no, SECONDS, away from ripping into some men. And it goes a little something like this…
If you even have to question your friendship with your “bros” then there is a problem. I think that half of you don’t even realize what you’re doing or just how inappropriate your friendship with your friends is. Now, for those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, I will enlighten you. Here’s a definition for you:
Bromance- an uncomfortable relationship between two males that consider themselves to be best friends. What makes this relationship uncomfortable is the way in which they interact with each other. Outsiders (aka their girlfriends) are often the ones left feeling uncomfortable when watching the friends act out homoerotic tendencies on each other.
Have you finally realized what I am talking about? Should I give you more of a hint? Okay…I’m going to give you a hint anyway. You know how when you’re with your girlfriend and she’s trying to get a little more intimate and you mention your friend? Yeah umm, STOP! You know how when your girlfriend asks you to do something and you say no, but as soon as your bromantic life partner asks you, you jump to your feet? You know how when you’re done being intimate with your girlfriend and you jump up out of the bed like “HEY, I WONDER IF (bromance’s name) CALLED ME?!?!”
Did you get it yet? Do you understand where I am coming from? There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting your friendship before your relationship. In fact, most of the time, your friendship SHOULD come first because they are the people who will be there for you if things go wrong in your relationship. However, unless the sex with him is better than the sex with me, you should not be jumping at his every beck and call. And if you think I am the only woman who feels this way, you are completely WRONG!
Please learn how to control your friendship with your “bros” before you lose any chances of having a good woman.
My boyfriend would probably prefer if I left this tiny bit of info out BUT: We were watching the Degrassi marathon last night and in several of the episodes there was a focus on how close some of the girls are with their best guy friend. Along with this, we got to see just how jealous these girls’ boyfriends get when observing just how close the girl is with her guy friend. I looked at my boyfriend and said “Oh by the way, it is VERY hard to get rid of a girl’s best guy friend.” I would now like to take the time to tell people why it is SO hard to get rid of a girl’s best guy friend.
- 1) Backup- I know people are going to hate to hear this but, a lot of women have a best guy friend as their backup love interest. If all else fails, the bestie is always nearby.
- 2) Common Interests- Why do you think they are best friends? They have absolutely everything in common. When you don’t want to sit back and watch a show they really like: *ring ring ring* Time to call the best guy friend. He will almost always be ready and willing to jump in because it is something he also enjoys. This is important as we all know because “opposites attract,” and as her boyfriend, you are seen as her opposite. The best friend on the other hand, is…well, he’s the male version of her.
- 3) True Love- Yes, it is true. Many best friendships that contain a male and female tend to end up becoming romantic. For some women, or even men, their best friend could be that person they secretly dream of every night. This often becomes the person that they base all relationships off of. If they cannot find a deep connection like they have with their best friend, they might believe that someone other than their best friend would not be the right fit for them. This is because many people fall in love with their best friends.
Now I am going to tell you something very important: Men, stop trying to push the best friend out of the picture. If you believe that the best friend is some kind of threat to you, then ask your girlfriend and point out to her why you believe her friendship might cause a problem in your relationship. I’m not going to lie to you. This is often something hard to do because everyone is protective of their best friend whether they be male or female. Your girlfriend might at first believe that you are simply jealous, which, let’s be honest, you are, aren’t you? Yeah, I thought so. However, if you can put that jealousy aside for the moment and explain to her that YOU are interested in being able to share some of these more common interests and intimate moments with her, then you will be able to not only eliminate the stress of the best friend, but improve your relationship with her.
I know. I make it sound easy. It’s really not, though. You know why? Because the best friend, male or female, will almost always be a threat. Just don’t make yourself an audience member. Participate!
One of the first things I want to discuss is the presence of other relationships. Sexual, or intimate, relationships are not the only interactions in our lives that tend to stress us out. I believe that outside of familiar relationships, friendships are a great way to evaluate the way in which you will act while in an intimate relationship. That being said, there are a few things that really bother me that some people do.
I believe that many people tend to value their temporary friendships more than the friendships they’ll have for life. For the sake of avoiding any unnecessary drama, I am not going to give specifics because guilty people always assume you’re talking about them, even when you are not.
Anyway, I have noticed that people will get into situations such as college or work, and they’ll forget about the friends that are “back home.” As we go through life, we come across many different kinds of people. We meet friends that we don’t want to live without. We meet lovers that change our lives. We also meet people that are simply meant to provide support for a short amount of time. When we meet all of these people, we must decipher what their purpose is in our life. We have to decide whether a person is simply a person to go out with, or a friend for life.
When we meet these people that we believe are our friends for life, we must be careful to put them before other friends. We must make sure we take care of our friendships as if these people were our own family members. I say this because sometimes you can lose one of your best friends to the need for temporary friends, especially if you’ve been distracted by something such as four years away at college.
With this being said though, I have to tell you the truth. You can only reach out to people but so much before you start to believe that maybe you made the wrong decision in considering them to be a friend for life. If you have been reaching out to them for months and they don’t seem to be changing, then you have no choice but to think maybe they weren’t interested in keeping you as a friend. While reaching out to people, you must seriously consider whether you actually believed them to be a good friend. For instance, I have a friend of mine that I have tried messaging several times a month whether it be on the phone, on Facebook, or even on Twitter. However, he has chosen not to respond to many of my messages. In fact, when I do receive any contact from him, it is usually after I have given up trying to contact him. However, I am not offended by this because I never thought of him as someone that would be a friend for life. I understood right away that he would simply be a temporary friend, or a person to go out with. On the other hand though, I do have a friend that I used to send text messages to fairly often. She would not respond, and if she ever did, it would be several days later. Now, because of this, I have chosen to give up on reaching out to her. This could be a problem on both of our parts because I definitely assumed she was a friend for life. I believe that she has been distracted by other things in her life and forgotten who her friends are. I believe that I am also guilty of being stuck in my own relationship. However, I have at least tried, and apparently failed to keep her as a close friend. In these situations, you have to decide whether you are ready to be the bigger person and forgive your “friend” for losing touch of your friendship. Because I do believe she is a friend for life, I am open to salvaging our friendship. Whether or not we will be as close as we were before, now that’s a different story.
I have been guilty of putting too much effort on my temporary friendships. What I have learned from doing this is that it can be very easy to feel as though you’re very much comforted and loved and losing it all at the same time. However, if you keep your b.f.f.l. by you at all times, you’ll never feel alone.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
After my abusive and not so loving high school relationship, I met a guy who was the complete opposite of the last. He was the most perfect guy I thought I’d ever meet. He was tall, white, and a jock. He was the quiet guy who kind of sat in the corner and ignored everyone else around him in class. I always made sure to sit next to him and talk as much as possible. Of course, he just ignored me because I was way too loud for him. However, being the outgoing and persistent person I am, I decided that I was still going to pursue him. In fact, I told his friends that he was my next mission and I would eventually get him. Now, let me tell you something about myself, when I truly want something, I get it. It didn’t take me very long to get him interested in me either. I was there for him no matter what the situation was. I helped him with classes. I even stood by his side during the loss of a close family member. I did all of these things because I knew there was something special about him.
Eventually we began a very serious relationship in which we both found ourselves very happy. Well, at that time at least. I’m not going to lie, we had been through a lot of stuff together but we stayed very close throughout every little thing. However, some people just aren’t meant to be together. We broke up before going to college. This was probably a bad thing since we were attending the same college in order to be close together. We continued doing everything together despite the decision to split. We lived in the same apartment building. We saw each other every single day after class. We spent many nights in each other’s rooms, yet there was nothing romantic between us at this point.
I believe this is what caused the most trouble in our friendship. I believe it was entirely my fault that I continued to give him false hope that there was a chance of us being back together again, when I had already made up my mind that nothing else was to come of our relationship. However, I had every reason to try to hold onto him as long as possible. He was a good guy. He treated me the way I finally realized I deserved to be treated. On top of all that, he had been there for me during one of the hardest times in my life. Why would I give up on something that good?
I gave up on him because I realized that I was not in love with him. I cared for him very much. I loved everything about him, but to say I was in love with him would be a lie. He just didn’t have that part of my heart. It is unfair to any person, to be in a “loveless” relationship. I knew he deserved more than I could give him and I didn’t want to keep him waiting around for something he’d never have.
Years later we of course met up and spent many days together. We both thought maybe something would come of the time we had been spending together. However, four years later, you have to remember that people change. I am completely different than the person he fell in love with in high school. He is WAY different than the perfect guy I thought he was in high school. We had completely different goals in life. While the comfortable thing to do would be to date him and see where things went, it was not the right thing to do. While perfect for each other as high school sweethearts, some people are not meant to be together in the future. We just weren’t meant to be and probably never will be.
To not only save time, but also to spare you from the boring details of my childhood, I have chosen to omit those “boyfriend” that occurred in my prepubescent years. In other words, I will not be writing about my catholic school boyfriend, my church boyfriends, or anyone that came before high school when I truly knew what it meant to be a girlfriend to someone.
A few days ago I got a fortune cookie. The fortune read: courage comes through suffering. Therefore it is important to start with the relationship that “gave me the most courage.” It just so happens that this same guy was the first guy that “had my heart” while I was in high school.
I met him through a friend, of course, as many of these relationships in our lives often go. However, considering the friend I met him thorough I guess I should have known this wouldn’t be the man of my dreams. This guy had everything I wanted at the time though. I was the good girl looking for the bad boy and he MORE tan fulfilled my need for this rebellious attitude.
This guy was the ultimate bad boy. He was the skater that I watched glide down the street on his board. He barely spoke to me, but I found him intriguing. He smoked weed non-stop, but I still found myself oddly attracted to him. It wasn’t until almost a year later that I even realized just how horrible of a person he truly was. The truth is, he’s done so much damage to me, mentally and emotionally, that I can’t even recall the first time he choked me, or belittled me, or threw me up against a wall. I was young. I was only thirteen when we met. I never knew that what he was doing was wrong. In fact, because I was the food girl, I found his abuse to be attractive. I thought it was something that turned me on.
I know what you’re all thinking: where were my friends and family while this all occurred? My family had very much expressed that they were not happy with the guy I had chosen, however, they were not aware of the details of the situation. My friends also knew very little other than what they had viewed when he was around me. My friends had watched him drag me through the halls. They had even seen me slap him after he had tied to choke me, but because I had always kept a smile on my face they had never known what was truly wrong. Of course they had also expressed their feelings of hatred towards him, but the truth is, no matter whether you’re a friend or family member, you can’t help someone if they don’t want to be helped…and I didn’t want to be.
I didn’t want to be helped because I truly believed that I loved him and that I was IN love with him. However, I realized two years later that his abuse had mentally trained me to believe that only he could make me happy, even though he had only made me mad.
This is for each and every girl that believes a man could never put his hands on her. If you’re reading my blog, then you know me as this super tough girl who doesn’t take any nonsense. I’m always ready to fight and I ALWAYS say what is on my mind despite possibly hurting someone’s feelings. I am this way though because of him…because of all the abuse he put me through therefore, I write this blog challenging everyone to speak their minds and never let another person put you down. And to those of you who are still stuck in an abusive relationship whether it be physical or mental, I hope you fight back to tell him that he no longer controls you.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A few hours ago I was discussing with a friend the reasoning behind why I dislike Taylor Swift. I will share it with you for the purpose behind my next few posts. I, personally, am tired of hearing about every ex-boyfriend that Taylor Swift has. All of her songs revolve around how much she loved them or I guess, how crappy the relationship was. Considering she is young, and I have probably had more relationships, or encounters with intimacy than she has, I am slightly upset by the amount of money she is making off of her ex-boyfriends. I have decided that it is now my time to make some money off of my previous “lovers.” I have decided to begin this process by writing a series of entries about them. I will then ask everyone to suggest titles for these stories, and begin my songwriting process. Also, if you have a specific story of mine that you remember and liked oh so very much, I would like you to tell me, so I can not only post it on here, but consider it for my Musical which will be entitled Truth and the City.