Thursday, January 6, 2011

Easier to Run...

After my abusive and not so loving high school relationship, I met a guy who was the complete opposite of the last. He was the most perfect guy I thought I’d ever meet. He was tall, white, and a jock. He was the quiet guy who kind of sat in the corner and ignored everyone else around him in class. I always made sure to sit next to him and talk as much as possible. Of course, he just ignored me because I was way too loud for him. However, being the outgoing and persistent person I am, I decided that I was still going to pursue him. In fact, I told his friends that he was my next mission and I would eventually get him. Now, let me tell you something about myself, when I truly want something, I get it. It didn’t take me very long to get him interested in me either. I was there for him no matter what the situation was. I helped him with classes. I even stood by his side during the loss of a close family member. I did all of these things because I knew there was something special about him.

Eventually we began a very serious relationship in which we both found ourselves very happy. Well, at that time at least. I’m not going to lie, we had been through a lot of stuff together but we stayed very close throughout every little thing. However, some people just aren’t meant to be together. We broke up before going to college. This was probably a bad thing since we were attending the same college in order to be close together. We continued doing everything together despite the decision to split. We lived in the same apartment building. We saw each other every single day after class. We spent many nights in each other’s rooms, yet there was nothing romantic between us at this point.

I believe this is what caused the most trouble in our friendship. I believe it was entirely my fault that I continued to give him false hope that there was a chance of us being back together again, when I had already made up my mind that nothing else was to come of our relationship. However, I had every reason to try to hold onto him as long as possible. He was a good guy. He treated me the way I finally realized I deserved to be treated. On top of all that, he had been there for me during one of the hardest times in my life. Why would I give up on something that good?

I gave up on him because I realized that I was not in love with him. I cared for him very much. I loved everything about him, but to say I was in love with him would be a lie. He just didn’t have that part of my heart. It is unfair to any person, to be in a “loveless” relationship. I knew he deserved more than I could give him and I didn’t want to keep him waiting around for something he’d never have.

Years later we of course met up and spent many days together. We both thought maybe something would come of the time we had been spending together. However, four years later, you have to remember that people change. I am completely different than the person he fell in love with in high school. He is WAY different than the perfect guy I thought he was in high school. We had completely different goals in life. While the comfortable thing to do would be to date him and see where things went, it was not the right thing to do. While perfect for each other as high school sweethearts, some people are not meant to be together in the future. We just weren’t meant to be and probably never will be.


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