Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Lovers and friends

At what point should a person stop in order to avoid crossing the line with their best friend?

My best friend and I (whose identity I will keep anonymous although most already know his name) have been friends for about thirteen years, eleven of those years I have spent (on and off of course) wondering if he would ever feel the same way about me that I have felt about him. Many of those years I have also spent sharing some of my “firsts” with him. In fact many of the things I have done and still do with him are things I would never even consider doing with any other man. I trust him and I feel safe and comfortable with him. Over the years these feelings have been slowly progressing. Over the past two years I began realizing that I was falling for him (and falling hard!). I friendship was already on the rocks. With the large amount of distance between us (me in PA and him in NJ), things had slowly been getting complicated. Whenever he would come in town I was looking forward to spending any amount of time with him. For him, this time always meant sex. Because I really cared about him, I continued to have sex with him whenever he wanted. I knew that my feelings were growing and finally decided to end it with him. I cut him out of my life COMPLETELY. And I never looked back. Recently I thought about him and decided to contact him. We began talking again but of course it immediately became about sex. I simply wanted him back in my life and knew that would be the easiest way, so I went along with it. As soon as it occurred, I realized those feelings were resurfacing. It was too late. I couldn’t just ignore them or tell him to leave me alone once again. I finally had the courage to tell him how I felt. I have to admit I have felt much better ever since I’ve done it. In fact, our friendship seems to be getting better, slowly but surely. I even decided to move back home and this seems to be making it as though our friendship will somewhat go back to the way it used to be.

Although our friendship seems to be working out now, I want to pose this question: Is it crazy to think that anything else could ever come from this 13 years friendlationship? Love is not something we can choose. We cannot force ourselves to love or not love a person. It is something that happens naturally. How many people are truly best friends with their life partner before beginning a relationship with them?


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