Situations!

The whole "not knowing what our situation is" thing is really frustrating me at this point. I'm the kind of woman who is very loving, loyal, and dedicated to the person I'm with, especially if I think you could be someone special to me. I don't like being kept in the dark. I know it's hard to state "This is how things will be," when you're so far apart from each other and can't speak in person. I'm just having a hard time convincing myself whether I should or shouldn't consider dating other people. There's never been anything saying we were really together, but in my heart, I feel as though this could be something and I don't want to waste my time with anyone else, when I could be with someone I truly love. 

Because I think this could be something serious, I'm willing to not be with anyone else emotionally, mentally, or physically until we can figure this thing out. However, I am not willing to wait around for someone if they're not willing to do the same for me. I can't sit around being the only one doing any real work towards a commitment. If I'm putting in work, telling you how I feel, taking time out of my day to text you, or call you, I expect the same in return. No time wasted... 

~CityLimit$~

No matter how you say it...

"Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD." King James 2003

"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." NIV 1984

"The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD." NLV 2007

Proverbs 18:22

It doesn't matter which version you are reading, a man will always find his wife. Ladies, stop searching and let him come to you. I'm not searching anymore. :)

~CityLimit$~

Ain't it a shame...

World's Largest Hips

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/22/mikel-ruffinelli-worlds-largest-hips_n_2526338.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

I am very much for being proud of your body, especially if you're like me and have some extra goodies in the jar. However, this lady makes me really uncomfortable. She has 40 inch waist and 100 inch hips! I love that she holds her head high, but the rest of me is just wondering, how is she not uncomfortable? I look at how she always has to turn to the side to get through halls in her own own, and I just wonder don't you ever get tired of doing that. You're in your own house! Wouldn't you want to be as comfortable as possible when you get home? As I watched her lift herself into her shower, and not be able to close the glass door, I kept wondering how she cleans herself. I take very thorough showers because I know I have some extra meat and if you're not careful, you get fat man smell. I wonder if she takes the same thorough precautions to avoid the inevitable smells that come along with being a "big girl." 

Ladies, it is quite alright to be proud of who you are, but please don't be in denial about your situations.

~CityLimit$~

Moving On Up!

I've been at my job for almost 2 years now, and I appreciate the opportunities that I've come across while working here, but it's finally time to move on. I've started applying to some jobs in NY because if I'm finally being honest with myself, that is exactly where I need to be if I want to be successful in my field.

As you get older, you start noticing that there's SOOOO much more that you can do to get where you want to be. I started realizing that maybe I've been scared to be successful because that means I would be expected to go even further in life. I'll be turning 25 this year, and things are starting to come into perspective. I'm finally realizing what I want in my career. More importantly, I'm realizing that I could have been doing some of these things a long time ago. I guess maybe the recent turn of events in my life has given me more of a reason to do what I've always wanted.

I finally started looking into purchasing a car. It would be delightful if my godfather would pay for the car like he promised 5 years ago, but I'm an adult now. I'm making my own money. I'm not waiting around for anyone anymore. Not having this car is keeping me from travelling to see friends and family. Not having this car is keeping me from going on the job interviews I should be going to. I'm doing letting the simple things hold me back in life. I'm getting this car as soon as my tax return comes in, because if I don't do it now, it'll never get done, and I'll never be able to do what I truly want in life. 

Once I get my car, I can FINALLY start searching for my own apartment. I am so beyond ready to get out of this one bedroom with my grandmother. I love her more than anything and anyone in this whole world. I may even love her more than I love myself, and we all know I love me some City!! However, it's just time for me to have my own place. I want to be able to walk around naked! I want to be able to have people over whenever I want. I want to say I'm paying all of this money for rent on a place I can call my own, not a place I'm sharing and not enjoying most of the luxuries that come along with having an apartment.

I'm finally ready to be successful. I'm finally ready to do things without the help of my grandmother. I'm just ready for everything that 2013 has in store for me. *Spongebob voice* I'M READY!

~CityLimit$~

The Shannon Files...The Greatest

My ex fiancee and I had the most ridiculous relationship ever. It was full of love, hate, cheating, abuse, and some of the best sex ever. Mmm.

We met during my freshman year of college at Penn State. I was having a hard time with some people living in my building and I had been taken advantage of. People had all kinds of things to say about me and they didn't even know who I was. The guys in the apartment below mine were always talking shit about what kind of person I was. Then I became really good friends with him. He came at the PERFECT time.

We started off as just friends, and that's honestly all I wanted from him. He seemed like the big brother type. He always stood up for me, and NO ONE bothered me because they knew he could and WOULD stomp their face in. 

One drunken night (because that's how all relationships start, right?), we had gone to a party and come back to my apartment. One drunken thing led to another, and we ended up having great sex. I told him we shouldn't have, but it happened anyway. Everyday following that got a little more complicated. He had started getting feelings, but I told him I was interested in sex and he and I could only be "fuck buddies." He claimed to be okay with it, but I found him coming over every night to make sure I was doing well. He knew my class and work schedule and would sometimes be waiting for me when I came home. What woman wouldn't eventually give in to that kind of guy? I surely did.

It didn't take very long for me to realize that this just wasn't the relationship I thought it would be. He was the complete opposite of the guy I wanted. He was a thug. He had two kids (different baby moms). He had a stalker ex girlfriend who threatened my life on several occasions. I just couldn't get enough of him, though. I wanted to do whatever was necessary to be with him. When he got banned from my first apartment building, I would sneak him in and risk getting kicked out. He used to find the most ridiculous hiding places. He would hide under the bed, in between the drawers. He even tried riding in the ceiling because for some stupid reason, we could moves the plates around. I LOOOOOVED playing hide n go seek with him.

Even better than hide n seek, were our games of fight and make up. We had some of the most epic fights. He tried squeezing the breath out of me. I punched him and chased after him with a butcher knife. And then we'd make up all night long. I know my roommate hated it...because I swear the bed would go through the wall every single time. He would keep going until I screamed. I really think that til this day, no one can fuck my bed across the room like he can, although my current boo surely tries. I remember one time he had gone at it so hard that I couldn't pee afterwards. I was walking at a right angle for a good day and a half. That was the best most uncomfortable day and a half of my life.

A relationship can't stand on sex alone. I have no harsh feelings towards him at all. We just didn't seem to have the same aspirations at the time. We were definitely headed in different directions. He tried his hardest to be the man I wanted, but I was settled in my ways and my goals. I don't regret any second of my relationship with him though, because he made me into the crazy woman you all love now! Love you E.

~CityLimit$~

Still inside of me...

For however many years now, I was known as someone who absolutely loved sex. My friends would come to me for some of the most ridiculous stories because I always had something new going on. I've written blog entries about the guys who have done or said some of the stupidest things. I've told anecdotes about the things I've done during sexual encounters and the things guys have TRIED to get me to do. That's who I was. When my friends were unsure of things, they came to me. What can I say, I'm a pimp and a player, and I'm good at what I do. I get guys to melt in my hands, then toss em to the curb. Most guys I used for whatever purpose I needed them for, without giving them what they wanted. I didn't care what they thought. We had sex, you were whack, on to the next one!

...then it all stopped. I didn't want any guys. I didn't want to have sex with any guy. Usually I would make most guys think they had a chance, then slowly decide what I wanted. Even THAT stopped. I had become disgusted with the idea of having sex. I didn't want anyone getting too close.

It's almost exactly 8 months later and now I finally have the emotional stability to talk about it. Back in December, after my ex and I broke up, someone who I thought was my best friend, took advantage of me while I was drunk. It took me a few days to really understand what had happened. I had completely black out and didn't remember the end of the night. The one thing I do remember is his face and his body on top of me, and I wanted him off, but my body couldn't move. I don't remember making a sound, but I remember wondering why he was on me and why he was inside of me. Every part of me just wanted him to get off and never speak to me again...so that's what happened. I stopped talking to him.

Six months went by without me ever contacting him. He tried texting me and I never responded. I ran into him out with his friends and he asked me and my friends to come over. I obviously looked at him like he was crazy, then politely declined. It had clicked in my head that he was completely clueless as to why I had taken the situation so seriously. Since he was a best friend at the time, I met up with him to explain why I had completely cut him out of my life. I completely trust that he did not know that I had blacked out, but I also know that I had told him for YEARS that I was not interested in ANY kind of relationship with him, outside of friendship. If you knew this, why would you ever try to take things further, especially when you KNOW I had been drinking.

I took my time explaining to him that I was completely disgusted by the idea of having a man inside of me ever again and that I couldn't see myself being comfortable with sex ever again. For SEVEN MONTHS I've sat here, thinking about how disgusting it is to have a man inside of me, and how badly I just wanted to sit in a tub of hot water til my skin burned off. I've avoided even considering getting close to any guys, because I knew eventually I'd have to explain to them why I hadn't been having sex.

What's worse is that the one guy I've been continuously intimate with doesn't even know why he's the only guy I've been having sex with. I've simply played it off as me really liking the things we do...(which btw I really like). I've tried to be with other guys, to be honest, but every time I think about them, I feel like scrubbing my skin. I dated a girl and truly felt as though there was no going back. I wasn't sure if I was simply suffering from PTSD, or if I truly only wanted to be with women. It has been a HARD 8 months. 

Month eight...and I'm feeling 2.5 times better than I was when things first went down. I know I'm not perfect and I know I need to talk to someone, but the progress I've made is enough to ease the pain I've had in my heart.

I'm ready for the next steps.

I'm ready to move on and fully forgive him. 

I'm ready to believe in God again, and that he has never failed me.

I'm ready to be who I truly am.

I'm sorry if some of you were made uncomfortable by what I just posted, but I posted this because I have heard of SOOOOO many stories where young women were taken advantage of and chose to keep quiet or not confront the person who did it. I am a STRONG woman and I REFUSE to let ANY man keep me down. You need to know what you did to me. That's all there is to it. The end!

~CityLimit$~