Waiting Around for Hurt

My best friend was dating a guy in college. The relationship was serious. She thought he was perfect for her. He made her happy. He loved her crazy ways…and then it just seems like it all changed. Now, I’m not in the relationship, so I couldn’t tell you exactly what the issue was or how it began. All I can tell you is what I know as a “bystander.”

I only met the guy once or twice, but by the time I met him, things had already gone downhill. He had begun saying some disgusting things and didn’t seem to be anywhere near interested in a serious relationship. My friend was willing to wait for him. She always told me that he had never had a chance to be single and just mess around, and she was willing to give him his space to enjoy his single lifestyle.

I didn’t agree with her decision because I would never want to sit back and know that the man I love was out there having sex with other women. However, I’m not in the relationship, so I’m only saying how I feel as her friend.

Recently (four years of bullshit later), she finally realized that he had been wasting her time. I have several reactions to the situation: 1) Bout damn time. 2) I admire that you loved him so much to stay BUT 3) It’s time to move on. I really do love that she was determined to find a way to make things work. That shows how much she loves(d) him. However, I think this whole situation shows how much he didn’t love her. I don’t think he never loved her, but I do believe that if he still had those feelings he never would have led her on…especially for so many years.

Now that I’m in a situation that feels like the beginning stages of something similar to what my friend went through, I’m very quick to push away. I don’t want to be with a person who knows I love him, but refuses to commit. I’m only 6 months into this, and I’m just not interested in waiting around forever. I’m a good woman. I love with all of my heart. I support my man in everything he does, because I truly believe in him. I’ve been okay with not having something too serious because I wanted to know if these feelings were real. Now that he’s moved, my feelings have only gotten stronger. I’ve been very vocal about how I feel. I’ve tried to show my feelings in any way I could find. I wish I could say the same about him. You would think that being that far away would make him realize he has to do a bit more to make sure I know how he feels. I haven’t seen or heard anything to make me feel secure in the possibility of something more.

Am I wasting my time? Are you just keeping me on a short leash in case something else doesn’t work out for you? Do you not believe that I love you? Are you just scared to let someone love you?

In the end, I don’t want to wait around much longer for these answers. I’m done showing you. I’m done reaching out to you. I’m done telling you how I feel.

If you wanted to be with me, if you wanted to see if there was something real here, you’d call me, you’d email me, you’d tell me how you feel.

If you respected me, you’d never do what you just did.

Since I’m only worth texting…I guess there’s nothing here.

I guess we just don’t belong together. If that’s the case, I wish you the best. Love you.

~CityLimit$~

Letting go...

You can tell a person over and over again that you want or need something to feel a certain way, but sometimes it just doesn't make sense to them. I don't know how much clearer I can be with people. I've always said what was on my mind or how I felt about something or someone because I think life is easier that way. I would never want someone to be confused about how I feel about them. If I don't like you, you will know. If I love you, although it may be harder to say, you will know that, too. I hate keeping things to myself.

I can't say it again. You know how I feel. It is what it is.

...letting go...

~CityLimit$~

Situations!

The whole "not knowing what our situation is" thing is really frustrating me at this point. I'm the kind of woman who is very loving, loyal, and dedicated to the person I'm with, especially if I think you could be someone special to me. I don't like being kept in the dark. I know it's hard to state "This is how things will be," when you're so far apart from each other and can't speak in person. I'm just having a hard time convincing myself whether I should or shouldn't consider dating other people. There's never been anything saying we were really together, but in my heart, I feel as though this could be something and I don't want to waste my time with anyone else, when I could be with someone I truly love. 

Because I think this could be something serious, I'm willing to not be with anyone else emotionally, mentally, or physically until we can figure this thing out. However, I am not willing to wait around for someone if they're not willing to do the same for me. I can't sit around being the only one doing any real work towards a commitment. If I'm putting in work, telling you how I feel, taking time out of my day to text you, or call you, I expect the same in return. No time wasted... 

~CityLimit$~

No matter how you say it...

"Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD." King James 2003

"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD." NIV 1984

"The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD." NLV 2007

Proverbs 18:22

It doesn't matter which version you are reading, a man will always find his wife. Ladies, stop searching and let him come to you. I'm not searching anymore. :)

~CityLimit$~

Ain't it a shame...

World's Largest Hips

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/22/mikel-ruffinelli-worlds-largest-hips_n_2526338.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

I am very much for being proud of your body, especially if you're like me and have some extra goodies in the jar. However, this lady makes me really uncomfortable. She has 40 inch waist and 100 inch hips! I love that she holds her head high, but the rest of me is just wondering, how is she not uncomfortable? I look at how she always has to turn to the side to get through halls in her own own, and I just wonder don't you ever get tired of doing that. You're in your own house! Wouldn't you want to be as comfortable as possible when you get home? As I watched her lift herself into her shower, and not be able to close the glass door, I kept wondering how she cleans herself. I take very thorough showers because I know I have some extra meat and if you're not careful, you get fat man smell. I wonder if she takes the same thorough precautions to avoid the inevitable smells that come along with being a "big girl." 

Ladies, it is quite alright to be proud of who you are, but please don't be in denial about your situations.

~CityLimit$~

Moving On Up!

I've been at my job for almost 2 years now, and I appreciate the opportunities that I've come across while working here, but it's finally time to move on. I've started applying to some jobs in NY because if I'm finally being honest with myself, that is exactly where I need to be if I want to be successful in my field.

As you get older, you start noticing that there's SOOOO much more that you can do to get where you want to be. I started realizing that maybe I've been scared to be successful because that means I would be expected to go even further in life. I'll be turning 25 this year, and things are starting to come into perspective. I'm finally realizing what I want in my career. More importantly, I'm realizing that I could have been doing some of these things a long time ago. I guess maybe the recent turn of events in my life has given me more of a reason to do what I've always wanted.

I finally started looking into purchasing a car. It would be delightful if my godfather would pay for the car like he promised 5 years ago, but I'm an adult now. I'm making my own money. I'm not waiting around for anyone anymore. Not having this car is keeping me from travelling to see friends and family. Not having this car is keeping me from going on the job interviews I should be going to. I'm doing letting the simple things hold me back in life. I'm getting this car as soon as my tax return comes in, because if I don't do it now, it'll never get done, and I'll never be able to do what I truly want in life. 

Once I get my car, I can FINALLY start searching for my own apartment. I am so beyond ready to get out of this one bedroom with my grandmother. I love her more than anything and anyone in this whole world. I may even love her more than I love myself, and we all know I love me some City!! However, it's just time for me to have my own place. I want to be able to walk around naked! I want to be able to have people over whenever I want. I want to say I'm paying all of this money for rent on a place I can call my own, not a place I'm sharing and not enjoying most of the luxuries that come along with having an apartment.

I'm finally ready to be successful. I'm finally ready to do things without the help of my grandmother. I'm just ready for everything that 2013 has in store for me. *Spongebob voice* I'M READY!

~CityLimit$~

The Shannon Files...The Greatest

My ex fiancee and I had the most ridiculous relationship ever. It was full of love, hate, cheating, abuse, and some of the best sex ever. Mmm.

We met during my freshman year of college at Penn State. I was having a hard time with some people living in my building and I had been taken advantage of. People had all kinds of things to say about me and they didn't even know who I was. The guys in the apartment below mine were always talking shit about what kind of person I was. Then I became really good friends with him. He came at the PERFECT time.

We started off as just friends, and that's honestly all I wanted from him. He seemed like the big brother type. He always stood up for me, and NO ONE bothered me because they knew he could and WOULD stomp their face in. 

One drunken night (because that's how all relationships start, right?), we had gone to a party and come back to my apartment. One drunken thing led to another, and we ended up having great sex. I told him we shouldn't have, but it happened anyway. Everyday following that got a little more complicated. He had started getting feelings, but I told him I was interested in sex and he and I could only be "fuck buddies." He claimed to be okay with it, but I found him coming over every night to make sure I was doing well. He knew my class and work schedule and would sometimes be waiting for me when I came home. What woman wouldn't eventually give in to that kind of guy? I surely did.

It didn't take very long for me to realize that this just wasn't the relationship I thought it would be. He was the complete opposite of the guy I wanted. He was a thug. He had two kids (different baby moms). He had a stalker ex girlfriend who threatened my life on several occasions. I just couldn't get enough of him, though. I wanted to do whatever was necessary to be with him. When he got banned from my first apartment building, I would sneak him in and risk getting kicked out. He used to find the most ridiculous hiding places. He would hide under the bed, in between the drawers. He even tried riding in the ceiling because for some stupid reason, we could moves the plates around. I LOOOOOVED playing hide n go seek with him.

Even better than hide n seek, were our games of fight and make up. We had some of the most epic fights. He tried squeezing the breath out of me. I punched him and chased after him with a butcher knife. And then we'd make up all night long. I know my roommate hated it...because I swear the bed would go through the wall every single time. He would keep going until I screamed. I really think that til this day, no one can fuck my bed across the room like he can, although my current boo surely tries. I remember one time he had gone at it so hard that I couldn't pee afterwards. I was walking at a right angle for a good day and a half. That was the best most uncomfortable day and a half of my life.

A relationship can't stand on sex alone. I have no harsh feelings towards him at all. We just didn't seem to have the same aspirations at the time. We were definitely headed in different directions. He tried his hardest to be the man I wanted, but I was settled in my ways and my goals. I don't regret any second of my relationship with him though, because he made me into the crazy woman you all love now! Love you E.

~CityLimit$~

Still inside of me...

For however many years now, I was known as someone who absolutely loved sex. My friends would come to me for some of the most ridiculous stories because I always had something new going on. I've written blog entries about the guys who have done or said some of the stupidest things. I've told anecdotes about the things I've done during sexual encounters and the things guys have TRIED to get me to do. That's who I was. When my friends were unsure of things, they came to me. What can I say, I'm a pimp and a player, and I'm good at what I do. I get guys to melt in my hands, then toss em to the curb. Most guys I used for whatever purpose I needed them for, without giving them what they wanted. I didn't care what they thought. We had sex, you were whack, on to the next one!

...then it all stopped. I didn't want any guys. I didn't want to have sex with any guy. Usually I would make most guys think they had a chance, then slowly decide what I wanted. Even THAT stopped. I had become disgusted with the idea of having sex. I didn't want anyone getting too close.

It's almost exactly 8 months later and now I finally have the emotional stability to talk about it. Back in December, after my ex and I broke up, someone who I thought was my best friend, took advantage of me while I was drunk. It took me a few days to really understand what had happened. I had completely black out and didn't remember the end of the night. The one thing I do remember is his face and his body on top of me, and I wanted him off, but my body couldn't move. I don't remember making a sound, but I remember wondering why he was on me and why he was inside of me. Every part of me just wanted him to get off and never speak to me again...so that's what happened. I stopped talking to him.

Six months went by without me ever contacting him. He tried texting me and I never responded. I ran into him out with his friends and he asked me and my friends to come over. I obviously looked at him like he was crazy, then politely declined. It had clicked in my head that he was completely clueless as to why I had taken the situation so seriously. Since he was a best friend at the time, I met up with him to explain why I had completely cut him out of my life. I completely trust that he did not know that I had blacked out, but I also know that I had told him for YEARS that I was not interested in ANY kind of relationship with him, outside of friendship. If you knew this, why would you ever try to take things further, especially when you KNOW I had been drinking.

I took my time explaining to him that I was completely disgusted by the idea of having a man inside of me ever again and that I couldn't see myself being comfortable with sex ever again. For SEVEN MONTHS I've sat here, thinking about how disgusting it is to have a man inside of me, and how badly I just wanted to sit in a tub of hot water til my skin burned off. I've avoided even considering getting close to any guys, because I knew eventually I'd have to explain to them why I hadn't been having sex.

What's worse is that the one guy I've been continuously intimate with doesn't even know why he's the only guy I've been having sex with. I've simply played it off as me really liking the things we do...(which btw I really like). I've tried to be with other guys, to be honest, but every time I think about them, I feel like scrubbing my skin. I dated a girl and truly felt as though there was no going back. I wasn't sure if I was simply suffering from PTSD, or if I truly only wanted to be with women. It has been a HARD 8 months. 

Month eight...and I'm feeling 2.5 times better than I was when things first went down. I know I'm not perfect and I know I need to talk to someone, but the progress I've made is enough to ease the pain I've had in my heart.

I'm ready for the next steps.

I'm ready to move on and fully forgive him. 

I'm ready to believe in God again, and that he has never failed me.

I'm ready to be who I truly am.

I'm sorry if some of you were made uncomfortable by what I just posted, but I posted this because I have heard of SOOOOO many stories where young women were taken advantage of and chose to keep quiet or not confront the person who did it. I am a STRONG woman and I REFUSE to let ANY man keep me down. You need to know what you did to me. That's all there is to it. The end!

~CityLimit$~

I'd rather be single

I know I should probably keep my horny ass in a relationship, but truthfully, I like things better this way. I've been enjoying being single. I'm not sleeping with a bunch of dudes anyway. I got my main homie and I got my white boy. I think I'm doing quite alright for a single lady. I don't have much time to get into trouble with a bunch of different men. Plus, once kitty finds something she's satisfied with, she tends not to wander very far. She'll be slightly intrigued by the idea of something new, but she'd rather make things work with who she has.

That's why I've been chillin with the main dude for this long. There's always something new and crazy coming along...and he always hits that warm spot. Now, if only EVERY guy knew how to beat it up....the world would be a happier place and it would be easier for me to find a side piece or at least, a more reliable cutty buddy. I feel like men everywhere are just so unreliable nowadays. What's so hard to understand about "I'm horny." That means run over and jump up in it...but even my main dude doesn't come through as often as he should. It's like men are scared of good sex...or maybe they're scared of rough sex. I'm pretty sure my CWB is scared of rough sex. I always avoid the urge to pull him but his long ass hair though. I told him I would be gentle until he's ready for more. Is it intimidating to be with a very sexual person? Shouldn't you be open to becoming a more sexual person? Maybe they're scared because I don't want a relationship...and they think that feeling might change? I don't know, but I DO know that they need to get it together. I need a RELIABLE man with GOOD, reliable, dirty, raunchy, rough sex. Is that so hard to ask for? Do you HAVE to be in a relationship to get that? I mean, that's all I want...and maybe some henny. Can I get that? Please?!

~CityLimit$~

Next blogs

Just a heads up: My next two blogs will be latest and greatest
Latest relationship
and Greatest (not best lol)
Hope you enjoy!

~CityLimits~

Chuckin up the Deuces!

You're a Cunt...That's All.

Scorpio Love Horoscope 6/7/12

You may have a unique love experience, with today's intense astral energies. If you are going out to a party, or even better, if you are throwing one, then make sure to invite all those whom you find fascinating and would like to get to know more intimately. One person in particular may prove too fascinating to pass by. You will certainly want to discover some of their secrets.

Rainbow Kisses....THAT'S GROSS

My friend and I were having an in depth conversation and now I’m really curious…

How many of you ladies out there are okay with having sex on your period?

How many of you guys out there are really down for the cause?

I mean, personally, I DO NOT like the idea of anything other than a tampon going in me during that time. I just think that is disgusting. I don’t see how people can do it. I don’t see how a man can put his penis inside a woman and be like mmmm blood on my dick. I don’t see how a woman can be okay with the feeling of things leaking out of her, smelling like blood, while she’s riding some dick. I just don’t get it.

I don’t like smells. I don’t want to smell the lethal combo of vagina, blood, balls, and latex…or ejaculation, if you’re doing it raw…which is just really fucking disgusting.

I’m all for trying new things with my man. I’m all about pleasing him when he wants it, BUT…I just can’t. We’re gonna have to find other options. #TRUTH

~Citylimit$~

No relationships....

I don’t want a relationship right now because men my age are too immature and unreliable, and older men just can’t seem to handle the fact that I am still young and want to enjoy my twenties. I don’t want to settle down with the first man who comes along, simply because he’s older, educated, or talented. I enjoy the things I do on an everyday basis. I love spending my free time watching TV, playing video games, singing, dancing, reading books, and working on shows. I love to go out. I love to drink on the weekend. I don’t need to get drunk, but I like having the option to do so.

My most recent ex and I didn’t work out because he was very much focused on finding a wife, and I am NOT wife material. Every little thing I did, he was judging me. He watched me very closely when I was in social situations with my friends, and for some reason, he didn’t like the way I acted around them. He would claim that I was a different person when I drank….WHO ISN’T? The problem wasn’t the way I acted when I drank though. The problem was that my friend and I would get together and act who we usually act around each other. We would let out hair down and talk about any and every little thing. He didn’t like the fact that we would be loud when we did it.

What I need every guy to realize, is that when you’re getting to know me, or when you’re dating me, I am going to be ME. I am not going to censor who I am. I am a very strong, young, independent, well-educated, goal-oriented woman, but I like to have fun. I like to dance. I like to sing. I like to be loud. I like to be spoiled. I want to be treated like a princess. I don’t ask for much. I just want to be fed 4 times a day. I don’t need you to throw dollars at me. I don’t need expensive jewelry. I have my own money. I can buy my own things. I simply need someone who understands that I am one of the most outgoing, flirtatious women you will meet, but if you’re the right guy, you’ll be confident that I’m not going anywhere. I am going to respect you. I will only be with you, and I would make sure you were happy with how things were.

If you cannot handle the kind of woman I am, then please don’t even bother. I know I can be demanding at times. I know I like to get my way. You should know that right away and be able to judge just how much you think you can take. That’s  all there is to it. It is what it is.

~Citylimit$~

Marriage? Uh...Nah...

The more time I spend talking to my family members, the more they make it obvious that I am getting at that age where I will soon need to settle down. I keep trying to delay that whole process, but the truth is, at my age A LOT of women begin settling down or at least start the process of looking for a husband. I mean, yeah I'd be the perfect housewife and what not, but umm...I'm just not ready for that yet. I'm still young. I want to be able to have fun. I'm not necessarily looking to whore around with every man I meet, but I definitely feel as though I should still have that option...at least for another year...Maybe I'll end up in a relationship and see where that goes. If not, I'm not worried about it at the moment.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

~CityLimit$~

Moving On....

One of my besties constantly tells me that I need to slow down and that I be moving to fast. Truthfully, it's not that I'm moving too fast. People just don't realize that I'm the kind of person who really doesn't put up with anyone's BS. As soon as I smell it coming, I like to dip out. I'd rather not be the girl known for staying around with a guy who isn't going to give me what I want or need at the time...just like a guy. Guys are real quick to leave a girl when they can't get what they want, so why can't I do the same?

For example, when I was with the last guy, I knew FOR SURE that things weren't headed in the direction I would have liked. Actually, I wasn't sure what direction I wanted them to head in, so I left before I could get hurt. Otherwise, he did nothing to me. We had some good times, but some things just aren't meant to work out the way we want. I'm sure I still care about him, because he was a really cool person during that time, but I no longer have those feelings for him. If I had stayed around, I'd still have those feelings and I'd probably be bitter as hell over a lousy no good person. By leaving when I did, I can still see him as that really chill person...minus the habits he's picked up in the last few months...

Sometimes...it's just best if we move on.

~CityLimit$~

Dirty Texts

These are just some of the ridiculous text messages I've received from guys over time.

"I want you to sit on my face."
"You know I would love that with my tongue in your ass and fingers in your pussy."

"So umm do we have to use condoms?"

"Come sit on daddy's dick."

"You should tell your homegirl to come over for a threesome."

"How sloppy are your BJs?"

(Insert dick photo)

"I was thinking about you."
Oh really? What were you thinking about?
"I just wanna suck on them tittys so bad."

"I know u not bein pleased."
"U should jus let me come over and please that pussy."

"You should come over...I wanna show you something."
Is it edible?
"No but you can play with it and it'll play with you."
Eh that's alright. I don't think I'd enjoy it.
"Come get this dick."

I wish I could go back through ALL of my texts and show you some of the hilarious things I've received. Truth is, I've seen some crazy texts before too, but like damn!

~CityLimit$~

Celibate...not selling a bit.

So....after some crazy events in my life, I decided it was time for me to be celibate. I was kind of getting bored with sex in the first place. No one could really please me, so I figured it would be better off this way. When I told everyone about my decision they all laughed and said I'd make it til the weekend. I thought that was hilarious since I already wasn't having sex that often anyway...but whatever. I told them I was going to do it anyway, and I did. Truth is, it wasn't very hard at all. I was busy with work most of the time and any spare time I did have, I spent sleeping. I guess it also helped that I was emotionally involved with someone at the time too. I didn't want anyone other than him.

The first two weeks of the celibacy were quite easy. I kept busy. For some reason the third week seemed to be the hardest. I didn't necessarily feel as though I was going to do anything. I just kept wondering why I wasn't doing it. After that week passed it all got much easier. In fact, I started to enjoy being celibate. Showing my celibacy ring to guys is the EASIEST way to weed out the ones who only care about getting their dick wet....However, it was also the fastest way to meet guys who were determined to make me break that vow. Little did they know, I didn't care enough to break it.

When it came down to it, I finally decided to move on from that guy I was stuck on, but I still wanted to be celibate unless it was with someone I truly wanted to do that with. I knew who that person was, but things never seemed to work out....so I kept to my vow until I could meet with him.

Truth is, holding out makes it ten times better....

~CityLimit$~